Heidi's Food Addicts Boot Camp Journal #28

There is a part of you that is the same age as your students and it feels “misunderstood, disrespected and incompetent”.

Can you get to know it?

Can you have a dialogue with it and explore how she feels and what she really wants (especially from you)? You meet this part of you every day at work. ~ Dr. Anderson

I spent the better part of my childhood feeling misunderstood, disrespected and misunderstood. I can’t do this right now.

I want to do this assignment, but I am feeling so overwhelmed right now. Actually, I have been overwhelmed the last three weeks. My baby was sick, first with the flu and high fever and then with an intestinal virus that lasted for two weeks. Then I became sick. I am so tired.

Work is more demanding because it is the end of the semester and my students have final exams before Christmas break. Then, there is of course, getting ready for the holidays and for all of my family coming into town.

Oh, and let’s not forget my husband and his needs! I feel like I am being pulled in so many directions, and that I am not competent with any of my responsibilities. This is the second week I do not weigh myself. I have to go to a store to weigh myself and the one time I made it there in last two weeks the machine was broken. I have only been able to log in to the support board a few times and did not even post.

I feel like a fourteen year old trying to manage a 41 year old’s life. When my fourteen year old (who is trying so hard to act so mature) meets up with the fourteen year olds in my classroom who are acting immature, that is where most of my challenges with my students occur. My fourteen year old just wants the other fourteen year olds to be on her side and to help her out. When she doesn’t get it, she lashes out.

I can not answer right now what my fourteen year old wants from me. I am the fourteen year old right now. I have been for most of the week. And my fourteen year old wants to have fun and be free from worry and fear. She wants to feel well. It is a challenge to be mature when I do not feel well.

I am tired and all I can think about is going to sleep. I might also be dealing with a bit of depression. I am just tired of feeling tired. I want to wake up excited to meet the day. And I am just not there.

……………………………….....................................................................................................................

Dr Anderson Responds to Heidi

Heidi, your comment (see below) is right on. These statements contain what I believe is the essence of your food addiction. Take a look.

"I feel like a fourteen year old trying to manage a 41 year old’s life. When my fourteen year old (who is trying so hard to act so mature) meets up with the fourteen year olds in my classroom who are acting immature, that is where most of my challenges with my students occur. My fourteen year old just wants the other fourteen year olds to be on her side and to help her out. When she doesn’t get it, she lashes out." Heidi

It is my experience that many, if not most, food addicts (and probably all addicts) feel like children or adolescents in adult bodies. The reality is life is incredibly complex in our post-modern society. We are faced with hundreds of decisions every day and we are not capable of managing them. The truth is, even if we felt like adults in adults bodies we would be very stressed by the complexity of this life.

Our technology has outdistanced our ability to cope with what it has produced. Things move faster than we can absorb and integrate and often even understand. We wake up and see (on TV or computer screen) dozens of extreme problems in our state, our country and the world. War, starvation, flooding, environmental catastrophe, political struggles, just to name the few that show up during the first cup of coffee.

Then we get dressed and go out to meet our work and our families. The complexities multiply and with each one the demands on our time, money and emotions. No wonder we want to eat our way to oblivion.

I mention all this to affirm your reality. Yes, you are living in a stressful world and feeling like a 14 year old in adult disguise makes it even more difficult.

Is there anything you can do about this?

I have no friggin’ idea!

Just kidding. Sort of. I do have ideas that work for me and many of my clients. I have listed a few below. Give them a try this week.

I have been thinking about writing a book on this subject. My current working title is

HOW TO SURVIVE IN THE TIME OF FUBAR. Fubar is an acronym from the Second World War (see Saving Private Ryan). It means F…ed Up Beyond All Recognition.

HTSITTOF

1- Face it. Life is complex and stressful for everyone and you did not make this up. Anyone who says or thinks it is not is living in Lalaland and is in need of some very good meds.

2- Take deep breaths. A lot. This may actually save the life of a few of those difficult 14 year olds you try to teach. It may also keep you out of jail.

3- Say this mantra as you do the breathing I mentioned in guideline above: I let go and let God. (He made it so let Him handle it.)

4- Learn to ask for help and stop confusing this with weakness or entitlement. Just do it.

5- Set realistic goals and forget about getting everything done. It will never happen. Just getting close will be more than fine.

6- Find some compassion for yourself and for all the rest of us. We are truly doing the best that we can with the light that we have.

Now go and be at peace (for at least a couple of moments).

God bless you. Dr A

Comments

[Paula]

Dear Heidi,
Hello from your "internet friend." :-) I am sending you a hug and a “it will be okay.”  Sometimes we just need to hear that.

I wanted to let you know that it comes as no surprise to me that along the way somewhere on your journey, there would be a "blip" on your radar screen. You have been making progress by leaps and bounds, and when you are dealing with LIFE, it is never completely smooth sailing.

Take a deep breath and tell yourself that you will put off answering the hard questions for two weeks when some of the current upheaval is relieved. Be sure to set a specific date so you don’t put it of forever  Anyway, I thought it might be good to take a look at the progress you DID make this week, even with all that is going on in your life…

1) Did you notice that you originally wrote “misunderstood, disrespected and incompetent,” but in this journal entry, you wrote misunderstood, disrespected, and misunderstood. Could that be significant? Maybe you are targeting that misunderstood is a bigger issue than the others? Or maybe you were just distracted while typing. Just a thought.

2) You have recognized that those feelings stem from your childhood.

3) You are aware of this “14 year old” who is trying to run your life. Is she older now? I was thinking it was a younger child before.

4) You at least WENT to the store to weigh, even though the scale was broken. Maybe it was a day that it was just better not to focus on your weight.

5) Almost everyone experiences some negative feelings this time of year when families are supposed to be all “Leave it to Beaver.” You truly ARE dealing with a lot during the busiest and most emotional time of year. Allow yourself some space for that.

6) At least the 14 year old is TRYING to manage the 41 year old life…rather than the tantrums she was having a few months ago.

7) You recognized that you are trying to gain your students’ approval, and for them to be on “your side.” I think recognizing this is HUGE, and facing the reality that it probably isn’t going to happen just because they are kids. But I can DEFINITELY identify with that feeling of wanting them to like you and accept you…(previous teacher here.)

8) When you describe your tired state and how you wish you could wake up feeling excited for the day, remember Dr. A’s words from last week…
THE WONDER OF EXPECTATION! (I hope I quoted him correctly) We can EXPECT great things and positive changes down the road, and they don’t have to be here yet. But it is HOPE.

Heidi, I hope you can “hold on” for dear life. Don’t let this blip become anything more than a blip. You are strong enough to do this, and you have TONS of people out here pulling for you. I hope that journaling this has been somewhat cleansing for you, and that you feel that you can keep starting new each day. I always think admitting the “pit” I’m in helps me to see it for what it is, and move on.

I am looking forward to hearing from you next Friday, and I am holding you up in prayer. 

Your internet friend, Paula

[tracy]

Heidi I read your post and I felt the distress in
it coming through the computer screen and from a
woman who has lived through 3 wars and a time when
women had eight children and no super duper
washing machine~no steam iron and washed all the
clothes in a Tub by hand with a little scrub board
then cooked for 10 people 3 meals a day and I truly
believe woman have it harder today and it seems to
me we arent any better off then we were 50 years
ago but one thing is that everybody enjoyed the
Holidays the streets were filled with people
dragging people in their homes for a hot cup of coffee and homemade Pie and no commercials
because no TV so we liked whatever we got but
mainly there were lots of people visiting neighbors
all day long the spirits were high and the band
played on...
Just adding my 2 cents for all its worth...
But I hope the Spirits of Christmas come into your
heart like it did mine~this is truly the best
holiday for me...
((((Hugs))))
Joan